i am lucky to have such a lovely room in which to write. my mind lets me down. sometimes i just sit and watch the cats sleep and wait for the sun to come, and drink endless coffees and smoke. if i was being totally honest, sometimes i just sit and wonder if it's yet an appropriate time of the day to drink beer. yesterday i looked a photograph of me in my first year of school and thought about how a person can go from that, to this, and how gradually it happens, and how hard it is to go back to being a person who could be happy without cigarettes, and coffee, and beer; someone who could wake up in the morning and brush their teeth, and shower, and be glad to begin another day. i obviously wanted this life because i chose it for myself. i light my tibetan incense for happiness and no anxiety, and bite my nails off and watch the clock. i sat outside for a few moments and watched the birds flying, buffeted by the wind...
it was hailing and sunny. strange times.
today is always hard. i tell myself tomorrow things will be easier.
i eat a cold chicken sausage, some slices of apple and a one-a-day multi-vitamin pill. this is lunch.
it is two minutes past two pm. it is now an acceptable time of the day to have a beer, but i will finish my coffee first.
Looks like a really fantastic room. I wish I had windows above me... It's raining right now and I'm thinking of how cool it would be to just sit here and watch the rain. Anyways, I, too, sometimes think about the same. And though I don't smoke, I do like to drink beer and coffe. I decided to quit both however. I noticed recently I had increased anxiety every time I drank coffee and it would give me terrible headaches. Same with alcohol. This post sounds a lot like me.. down to the multi-vitamin. I'll have to see if my decisions pay off :)
ReplyDeleteHurray you are posting new posts again! I love William's poem. And yours. And your photography is as always amazing. This post contains much sadness in the list of lunch but much hope in the fact that you've written it down and shared it here.
ReplyDeleteSince I'm unable to drink beer these days and in fact don't like beer, can't relate to that but since I used to smoke and used to drink way too much coffee then I understand those urges. Perhaps like Stieg Larsson you can write a stream of books where the main thing they do is bonk, drink coffee, never eat anything proper for any meal, and smoke. Except his characters are also misogynists who call women a nasty name beginning with 'w' all the time... so don't do that...
Love you!
aww. thanks guys.
ReplyDeletethis was only one day of many, but i must admit, i don't think i look after myself properly when i have too much time on my hands...
i'm much better when i'm working, don't worry.
today for lunch i had a chicken, grape, baby spinach, lettuce, watercress, and barley salad, with homemade (by steve, not i..!) lovely grainy bread.
you are both super smart ladies because you don't smoke ciggies....
but a guess everyone has something which plagues them..
good luck irina with quitting the beverages!
and lizzie, sorry about not being able to have coffee... is some occasional tea okay?
many kisses and hugs to you both!