today i found out..

0nce again that i am so stupid.
i almost lost everything, and everyone i care about (except william), in one fell swoop. the house should have burned down but didn't for some miraculous reason. i left the animals inside cos it was such a horrible day and went next door for a coffee. i was gone for two hours in the end. the dogs managed to throw a cushion onto the radiant heater some 2.5-3metres away and the cushion just gradually cooked and smoked and the heater cooked and smoked and melted and when i got home the house was filled with plastic smoke to the floor, but the fabric never ignited for some reason. the cushion became like a big piece of charcoal, or a giant piece of burnt toast. the heater is destroyed. it went through two layers of carpet, underlay, down to the particle board beneath, but didn't ignite. i think i came home just in time.
they could have been all burned up by the time anyone noticed.
nightmares.
my house smells like burnt and i can't close the windows and doors even tho the weather's storming away outside. i have wrecked the landlord's carpet. i have potentially harmed my animals.
i'm not going to describe how i'm feeling right now because it would be too depressing for anyone to read.
:(
(pics of will and mia by sam)



oh AND, the topper: the thing i am most unrealistically phobic about, the Weta (evil giant native cricket from hell), cos i think to myself, after all that, i'm just gonna make myself a nice cup of dandelion tea. and there's a fucking weta hiding in my kettle. haha. satan poos on my head yet again.
so just wanted to issue an invitation to the universe to fuck with me some more. like, i'm still breathing. what else? bring it.
going to have a glass of malbec instead and try to think up some dinner, and make a fire (lol.. yeah on purpose this time:)
perhaps a post later when i am less not okay.

later...
*strange parallels*
i just read my friend Jessica's post for today about fires!!
unbelievable.
this is the first time i personally ever have had a close call with fire(or lack thereof), and my friend is posting about fire.
her tale is more tragic than mine. i am so very grateful my fire story ended where it did. i guess we can always find blessings if we look hard enough.